Should we *ever* listen to our negative thoughts?
The answer is: sometimes.
But only if you answer yes to any of the following questions:
Is it useful?
Does it help me create the life I want?
Is there anything in it for me?
Ok, time for an example to contextualise all this.
Let’s say I’m teaching a yoga class and I straight out forget to do an *entire sequence* on one side (gasp!).
I might tell myself ‘You’re an idiot and a terrible yoga teacher.’
Let’s apply those 3 questions to this neggy thought.
Is it useful:
Is mentally battering myself about the head going to make me spring into action, and start playing memory games for two hours per day to prevent me from ever forgetting anything ever again? Nope. It’s just gonna make me feel worse about myself.
Does it help me create the life I want:
A super duper important value in my life is experimentation over perfection. I place so much value on being curious, on having a go, and on not fixating on the outcome. I repeat this over and over in my classes, in my content, in everything I do, really. Demanding perfection and then beating myself up when I fall short is actually a big step back from the life I want to live and the values that are important to me.
Is there anything in it for me:
This thought brings me nothin’ but shame, self-judgement and a knock to my self-confidence, meaning that letting it guide me guarantees that I won’t show up to my next class as a better, more resilient teacher. So not only am I getting nothing out of it, I’m actually losing something to it.
It’s def time to say ‘Bye Felicia’ to that one.
I’m reading a book right now called The Happiness Trap, which is about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (a common type of treatment for OCD, anxiety, depression etc).
The author, Russ Harris, writes that he, too, has the following negative thoughts:
‘I’m fat. I’m old. I’m stupid. I’m a hypocrite. I’m weird. I haven’t achieved enough.’
These are thoughts he’s had his whole life but he writes that now, when they pop up, they’re like ‘water off a duck’s back’ because he:
a) inherently knows they aren’t useful at all, and
b) can ‘unhook’ from them quickly
So, next time the same ol’ tired thought is banging around your head, ask yourself those 3 questions and decide if it’s bringing anything to the table or not.
(Spoiler alert: I have a sneaky feeling you’ll determine the answer is NO!).
