Record-scratch it back to 1929 when Virginia Wolfe argued that a woman needs two things to create anything meaningful:
- Cold hard cash (i.e. financial independence)
- A room of her own (literally, a private space in which to create)
I wholeheartedly agree but I’m also proposing a third thing – a corner of one’s own. I have this corner in my house and there are 3 things I do in this space:
- Breathe
- Meditate
- Look out the window while I drink a coffee
Space for stillness and recharging is an essential part of creating anything meaningful. Back in Virginia’s day, it was a different world and women’s struggle for independence and freedom looked a lot different. I’m not saying these are no longer topics women struggle with but I am saying that now the pendulum has swung too far the other way.
In a nutshell, the patriarchal society in which we exist tells us that achievement is measured by tangible things, success is related to our output at work and generally reflected by our bank accounts, and therefore rest is wasted time and even weakness.
And to that notion I simply say: fuck. off.
I don’t know about you but I’m sick of playing catch up, of feeling two steps behind, of barely finishing one task before thinking about the next. I don’t want to go to sleep at night worrying about all the things I have to do tomorrow, or feel annoyed that my babies won’t fall asleep faster ‘cos I have shit to get done. I want to remember what really matters to me and what I’d like to do with my time on this earth and then live my life from that place.
This is where the breathing corner becomes extremely important. I first got the idea from Thich Nhat Hanh:
Every house should have a room called the Breathing Room, or at least a corner of a room reserved for this purpose. In this place we can put a low table with a flower, a little bell, and enough cushions for everyone in the family to sit on. When we feel uneasy, sad, or angry, we can go into this room, close the door, sit down, invite a sound of the bell, and practice breathing mindfully. When we have breathed like this for ten or fifteen minutes, we begin to feel better.
I loved this idea immediately, but also thought “why wait until I feel sad or uneasy to do this.” For me, this space would serve as a reminder to slow down, and to get the jump on anxiety rather than waiting for it to visit me.
You see, one of anxiety’s loudest, most prevalent messages is the “THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!” narrative. It’s exactly this narrative that has me worrying about work while I’m playing with my kids, feeling frustrated AF when I’m behind the dude paying his bills at Oxxo (IYKYK), and turning down invitations from friends because “I don’t have time”.
As long as we feel like there’s constantly a great hurry, we’ll never allow ourselves to:
- slowly drink our coffee
- sit outside & simply listen to the birds
- be 100% present when we play with our kids (‘cos they really do grow up so fast!)
- notice the breeze rustling the leaves outside the window
- take a deep breath and actually feel it
Hence my breathing corner.
Take today for example. I was slow to get going in the morning and had a brain full of tasks on my to-do list so took my coffee straight to my laptop. But then I decided I didn’t want to start my day (and my week) in this hurried mindset so I went to my breathing corner, did 10 rounds of the physiological sigh, 30 seconds of shaking, drank my coffee while watching the rain outside, and felt about a million times better for having done it.
Taking a slice of your time and presence back is a lil act of rebellion in a society that wants us to feel like we’re constantly falling behind. Just as Virginia Wolfe paved the way for women’s rights and freedom several decades ago, you and I can now pave the way for women’s rest and freedom with our small, rebellious acts.
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