How To Level Up Your Personal Connections
I recently made one of my best and fave purchases of this entire year: the Polyvagal Card Deck by Deb Dana.
Poly-what now!?
Here’s the TL;DR: it’s a set of 58 cards that each have a different exercise to explore, navigate and understand the different states of the nervous system: ventral (social connection), sympathetic (fight or flight) and dorsal (freeze and collapse).
So basically, a whole new set of tools for your nervous system health toolkit, laid out in pocket-sized chunks of info for you to pick and choose from.
Genius! Wish I’d thought of it.
Last week, I picked one up that I knew was special.
The what? To create a personal connection plan.
The why? Here’s what the card says:
Connecting with others is an essential part of living a life of well-being. While the need for connection is universal, the degree of connection and ways we connect are personal. When we make intentional decisions about what we do, how often, and with whom, and find the combination of connections that feels just right, reaching out becomes a regulating resource.
When I read this, I can’t help but think of a past version of myself who invested WAAAAAAY too much time and energy into relationships that were disregulating, or one-sided, or straight up toxic.
In those situations, I certainly wasn’t cultivating relationships that had any potential to ever be a regulating resource.
On the contrary - I was sending myself on an ass-over-tit spiral into the abyss of nervous system distress.
Today, I’m genuinely stoked to create my personal connection plan a) as a celebration of the people in my life who I get to nourish connections with and who truly feel like a support system and b) to give myself another leg-up on the ladder of nervous system regulation.
Now, your own personal connection plan in 5 simple steps (in the wise words of Deb Dana):
Name the people in your life you feel connected with
Identify people you’d like to reach out to and explore a connection
Make a list of the things you do with other people that bring you joy
Consider activities you would like to explore with other people
Use what you’ve learned to create a combination of activities that feel nourishing and resource your connection with others
Remember: booty call at 2am with the person who’s toxicity personified? Bad! DO NOT put on list. Going climbing (or for a wine!) with the new friend you met at yoga? Good! Defo put on list!
Let me know how you go with yours!
